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© 2017 Lisa O'Hara.

 

LISA O'HARA

Psychotherapist and Couple/Relationship Counsellor 

MIACP

Articles written by Lisa

As a regular media contributor, Lisa is the author of ‘When A Relationship Ends – Surviving the Emotional Rollercoaster of Separation’ (Orpen Press) that addresses the fallout of separation and provides a useful guide for picking up the pieces and moving on.

Grief and Breakups

The end of a relationship and the grief that accompanies it is frequently likened to bereavement.   The feelings of loss can include numbness, anger, anxiety, fear, relief, sadness, worry, depression, rejection and guilt.  Even if you wanted the relationship to end, it does not mean that you won’t have deep feelings about it and this is natural. 

How To Have A Happy Relationshop

It may come as a surprise to hear that that nearly 70 percent of conflicts in couple relationships are unresolvable according to research carried out by the Gottman Institute, who have revolutionised the study of relationships and marriage over the past four decades. 

Conscious Uncoupling – The Good or Healthy Separation?

The inevitable niggles that crop up from time to time aren’t usually a bug bear for couples, when other aspects of their relationship are good.  However, there are some issues that are more complex and are not so readily solvable.

To Stay or to Go?

One of our greatest needs is to connect deeply with another, to be known and accepted by them and equally, to be respected admired and cherished.  A reciprocal arrangement would be reasonable so that there is some kind of balance in the give and take that determines how intimacy is regulated in relationships.

Can a Relationship Survive Infidelity?

When an infidelity comes to light, it is usually accompanied by trauma, and is described as something that can be psychologically damaging as a result of extreme stress or threat. Time stops and one or both parties are frozen even if it’s only for the briefest time before the harsh realisation of the discovery sets in.  

Insecurity in Relationships

In the course of couples therapy, clients will usually, at some point, be asked what initially attracted them to each other. There will be conscious choices, such as ‘I liked the way she looked’ or ‘I liked the way he seemed interested in what I had to say’.

There are also underlying unconscious choices in selecting a partner and one common motivation is to heal the wound(s) of childhood, those experiences that have hurt us in some way.

Do Men and Women Grieve Differently? How Gender Impacts Loss

Grief is a natural response that arises from losses that we encounter in life.  Many people think of grief as something that is linked to death.  Although death is the ultimate loss, we do encounter other losses that trigger grief such as loss of a job, a relationship, moving house/moving to a new area, loss of freedom (when we become a parent or a caregiver of others), mental and physical illness, growing older, etc.

Impact of Social Media and Technology on Relationships

We often use social media and other online activities as a pleasant distraction, a way to keep in touch or as part of winding down our day.  Usually, this has no impact on relationships unless it is perceived as an activity that has become preoccupying and distracting to what’s going on off-screen.

Stress at Work – Can you be Happy?

Along with providing many of us with a living, work also provides a sense of purpose and bolsters self-esteem.

 

Being happy keeps us healthy, more productive and more creative.

 

Although the bulk of what it takes to be happy can be attributed to personality, our thoughts, choices and behaviours can also powerfully influence our feelings of happiness.

When a relationship ends

Regardless of whether you are the one who wants to leave or the one who is left behind, feelings will play an important part in a relationship breakup.  You might have thought you had met ‘The One,’ only to be told that it’s over.  If you didn’t see it coming, the shock of the decision is like someone putting a bomb under your life and it is now lying around in little pieces.  

What Makes Relationships Happier?

There are many factors that are evident in happy relationships and one person’s idea of happiness might be entirely different to another’s. Feminine energy will place great importance on relationships and the feeling of being cherished, whilst masculine energy will thrive on performance and being respected.

Dealing With Conflict in Relationships

There are two main problems areas in relationships that we are concerned primarily with trying to regulate:

1.    The power/control balance between two individuals.
2.    How much closeness and distance is required by both.

This fine-tuning is often challenged when a relationship is ‘triangulated’ by something/someone external to the relationship e.g. addictions, children, work, sport, physical and mental illness, infidelity and other losses.  

Copy Of -Dealing With Conflict in Relationships

There are two main problems areas in relationships that we are concerned primarily with trying to regulate:

1.    The power/control balance between two individuals.
2.    How much closeness and distance is required by both.

This fine-tuning is often challenged when a relationship is ‘triangulated’ by something/someone external to the relationship e.g. addictions, children, work, sport, physical and mental illness, infidelity and other losses.  

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